Thursday, July 24, 2014

Access... "Taking the Waiting out of Wanting"

I applied for an access course.
Access to university, that is.

I have been offered a place.

At first I managed to ignore the paradoxical nature of the name. I know it doesn't mean access the way I think of Access..

and yet...

I can't take the idea of dept.
Not even imaginary dept
Dept that is just a tax code.

Dept that could be real, could be imaginary
Dept that flickers through real and imaginary like the guy in Borderlands (Outer Limits, not the film.)

The film is pretty good though :)

I can't do dept.

Which is kind of stupid of me...but dept, just the idea of it, is a key that unlocks bad memories.

So I think I'm going to let the offer go.
Not certain about that...
Just pretty sure.

I like the idea of someone else taking my place as if I've offered someone a seat on the bus. Even if the metaphor is completely wrong.

Access was one of the first, if not the first credit card.
It was the one most people had,  if they had a card, and most people didn't.

My husband -now ex-husband- had an Access card.
It was his  Flexible Friend.
I learnt to hate it.

Now without his Access card he would not have been able to complete his OU degree which eventually led to him being 'head hunted' by prestigious tech companies.

But, he used the card to buy things that he wanted.
More things in a house full of things.

Taking the Waiting out of Wanting...

A cure for all and any psychic pain.

The minimum payment on that card was more than our mortgage payment.

Credit is an optical illusion.
An Escher staircase...

Monday, July 21, 2014

Post visit...

The start of the summer holiday
My husband works in a school, so he isn't there


So, we should be off out.
Hit the wide blue yonder
As the sun rises.

Limitations to this ideal are myriad.
Previous commitments...

Something new.
Amongst the books in the secret library sale I found Robinson In Space.

And here is the film.

I really like the format of..
Short film stills.

A Robinsonare (probably not spelt like that) is someone who...
As Robinson Crusoe did...
Explores the land.

More a verb
To Robinsonaire.

A remedy for

A tool..
To enable
Perception of the edges and borders...the ways in which everyday life is conditioned and controlled.


Yesterday went to visit

Still movies would be

man outside
washing his car for two hours...
holy clothes
the tale of the leg
unwashed for two years...
i just want to forget...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Red or white hair?

Ah me.
My life is so difficult.
The hair bleach is on a shelf to my right.
But I found a packet of henna, the other day.
The henna is probably about 15 years old...

Both can lead to tartrazine
sunset yellow

Well anyway.
Just had to mix up some henna to try.
Next thing I know
I'm drawing on my hand just to see if it's good and strong.

One thing leads to another

So here I sit.
Head covered in a thick green, patchouli smelling paste.
Because I put patchouli oil in it.
Wasting my time going nowhere on teh Net.

First off...
To see where next door are moving to.
Oh...that's not good.

Start to read familiar blogs
But almost every link leads to what sound to me like..
a parody.

What kind of a state of mind is that?
It happens a lot with Radio 4.
I hear interviews that sound like spoofs.
I try not to laugh

Because it happens in real life, too.

Monday, July 14, 2014


This year by car to the Tewkesbury festival.
Last year in leather trousers, motorbike clothing bundled into rucksack...I wondered around in a daze. Lost my glasses, almost lost my keys.

So hot!

This year.
Found a shower called 'The Water of Avalon'.

Poured water over a scarf I wrapped around my head.

Didn't make the mistake of buying a dress this year.
Of a kind I wouldn't wear the rest of the year.

But clothes by Amanda Deeley were difficult to resist.
I would have felt like a whale if I'd tried to get into one.

... I bought a hand cast bronze pendant from Alexandros Kontaxis that was cast from an impression of some coral he had found on a beach.

So anyway I got hotter and hotter.
Found myself trying on clothes and stopped myself just on the brink of agreeing to hand over money..

Found a lapis ring and a little penannular broach instead.
All my money gone.
Drove home.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the world...

Photographs by Mitch Dobrowner.

Sunday, July 13, 2014


The mouse had been running around, both upstairs and downstairs for about a week. The first time I saw it - as I sat on the end of the bed putting on my socks- I thought it would be easy to catch. The mouse had bolted for the door, which was shut and then shot under the bed. Just block off areas of room, I thought, make the available space smaller and smaller, and put a bucket over mousy and think about what to do next from that point onwards.

It was a good plan.
A reasonable plan.

I had not counted on the way a mouse can squeeze through tiny holes in my blocks, and plans and just plain refuse to act like I'd expect.

At one point that morning, the mouse was about four inches away from me. It was sitting in the open, cleaning its face. I hadn't got the bucket and I thought that the mouse was being stupid.


We saw the mouse latter that week. Son saw it in the bathroom in the early hours. He also had the mouse running back and forth in his bedroom. One evening as we were watching The Outer Limits, mouse was again sat very close to us on the floor. And once in the day whilst I was here, at the computer, the mouse was inches from my foot...

The humane traps were not doing their job.
Both traps were triggered at some point.

Both remained mouse-less.

Last night we watched Storage 24.
Hostile, flesh ripping entity at large in ventilation shafts...
Pretty good actually, funny and scary.

After the film was over and all that was left was the sound of the trees through the open window, and the PC shutting down, we could heard frantic gnawing and scuffling noises coming from the bathroom.

More than a little disconcerting.

It was OK...
It was...

Mousy in the trap!

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Fire bottles...


I didn't read the instructions before I began.
Just saw the photos.

Here is how you are meant to do it:

Step 1 – Grab a beer bottle preferably with thick glass such as corona bottles. Tie a string just above the label on the empty bottle

Step 2 – Keep the string tied and soak it in lighter fluid.

Step 3 – Put the string back on the bottle and hold it horizontally. Light the sting rotating the bottle so the flame spreads. You should hear the bottle crack slightly in about 10 seconds.

Step 4 – After you hear the crack, pour cold water on the string and the top of the bottle will fall off.

Step 5 – Now grab sandpaper and sand the edges of the bottle till it is smooth.


Wednesday, July 09, 2014

Out of the closet.

I admitted it yesterday.
Actually said it out loud.

I wanted to be an archaeologist.

My head was turned when I was quite small.
I found bits of pottery in the garden and realised that people had lived where I was living, before I'd been born....

At that moment, the world tipped.
I entered the world of ghosts.

Last night
I was at an interview for an Access to HE course at the local college.
Clutching my certificates: O' level/ A levels and DCR (R)- and the bit of paper that says I can make web sites.

Curiously they let me off the maths test, assuming absolutely incorrectly that because I'd done science A levels I could do maths, and can probably still do maths.

Ho ho Ho so wrong there!

I was put in for the English test.
A news report from the Daily Mail...please write an essay about this.

What fun.