Thursday, July 31, 2014


A very special kind of stupid.

This morning
Our router, a BT Home Hub 15
Possibly the first edition of Home hub
I don't believe that there were 15 iterations before ours...
Wouldn't do broadband.

I rang the service line to be told that all should be well in our area.
Then husband set off up stairs to ring the help desk...
Free call from a land-line you see.

After talking to a machine that wasted time by repeatedly testing the phone line (er...husband was using the phone line, so why would there be a problem?) he was eventually routed to a person who would have had him dismantle the ADSL connection blah blah blah and was certain that the problem must be micro-filters.

This was rather like the time when our phone line really did have a problem (roots from the trees over the road had got into' the cables!) and I had to disconnect something and reconnect to qualify for the engineer to come around with the warning that this would cost £100+ if the fault was on our side.

Meanwhile, I connected to the router via my Eee.

Not the same as connecting to Google.

Reconnected the router that way.

So, now back online
what was the first, most important thing to do?

I wrote an email of complaint to BT about the absence of a tech desk staffed with geeks. For in times like these only a geek will do. BT's advice to customers, apart from turn it off and on again was to visit their forum- there customers can while away a merry hour reading accounts from fellow BT users lost in the fog of zero information, and lose the will to live whilst skim reading through endless rambling anecdotes....BT says that there are many people who find the forum useful.


Best of all of course is the sterling advice to check your internet connectivity online.

Do you think the person who wrote that was sniggering as the words were uploaded. I would be if I wrote it. Likewise with the suggestion to use our forum. I'd be falling off my chair, with the sheer, Situationist hilarity of juxtaposing impossible things together.

Connect to the internet when there is no internet connection.
Go on!

It is something like

Suiwo, the disciple of Hakuin, was a good teacher. During one summer seclusion period, a pupil came to him from a southern island of Japan. Suiwo gave him the problem: "Hear the sound of one hand."
The pupil remained three years but could not pass this test. One night he came in tears to Suiwo. "I must return south in shame and embarrassment," he said, "for I cannot solve my problem." "Wait one week more and meditate constantly," advised Suiwo. Still no enlightenment came to the pupil. "Try for another week," said Suiwo. The pupil obeyed, but in vain. "Still another week." Yet this was of no avail. In despair the student begged to be released, but Suiwo requested another meditation of five days. They were without result.
Then he said: "Meditate for three days longer, then if you fail to attain enlightenment, you had better kill yourself."
On the second day the pupil was enlightened.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Access... "Taking the Waiting out of Wanting"

I applied for an access course.
Access to university, that is.

I have been offered a place.

At first I managed to ignore the paradoxical nature of the name. I know it doesn't mean access the way I think of Access..

and yet...

I can't take the idea of dept.
Not even imaginary dept
Dept that is just a tax code.

Dept that could be real, could be imaginary
Dept that flickers through real and imaginary like the guy in Borderlands (Outer Limits, not the film.)

The film is pretty good though :)

I can't do dept.

Which is kind of stupid of me...but dept, just the idea of it, is a key that unlocks bad memories.

So I think I'm going to let the offer go.
Not certain about that...
Just pretty sure.

I like the idea of someone else taking my place as if I've offered someone a seat on the bus. Even if the metaphor is completely wrong.

Access was one of the first, if not the first credit card.
It was the one most people had,  if they had a card, and most people didn't.

My husband -now ex-husband- had an Access card.
It was his  Flexible Friend.
I learnt to hate it.

Now without his Access card he would not have been able to complete his OU degree which eventually led to him being 'head hunted' by prestigious tech companies.

But, he used the card to buy things that he wanted.
More things in a house full of things.

Taking the Waiting out of Wanting...

A cure for all and any psychic pain.

The minimum payment on that card was more than our mortgage payment.

Credit is an optical illusion.
An Escher staircase...

Monday, July 21, 2014

Post visit...

The start of the summer holiday
My husband works in a school, so he isn't there


So, we should be off out.
Hit the wide blue yonder
As the sun rises.

Limitations to this ideal are myriad.
Previous commitments...

Something new.
Amongst the books in the secret library sale I found Robinson In Space.

And here is the film.

I really like the format of..
Short film stills.

A Robinsonare (probably not spelt like that) is someone who...
As Robinson Crusoe did...
Explores the land.

More a verb
To Robinsonaire.

A remedy for

A tool..
To enable
Perception of the edges and borders...the ways in which everyday life is conditioned and controlled.


Yesterday went to visit

Still movies would be

man outside
washing his car for two hours...
holy clothes
the tale of the leg
unwashed for two years...
i just want to forget...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Red or white hair?

Ah me.
My life is so difficult.
The hair bleach is on a shelf to my right.
But I found a packet of henna, the other day.
The henna is probably about 15 years old...

Both can lead to tartrazine
sunset yellow

Well anyway.
Just had to mix up some henna to try.
Next thing I know
I'm drawing on my hand just to see if it's good and strong.

One thing leads to another

So here I sit.
Head covered in a thick green, patchouli smelling paste.
Because I put patchouli oil in it.
Wasting my time going nowhere on teh Net.

First off...
To see where next door are moving to.
Oh...that's not good.

Start to read familiar blogs
But almost every link leads to what sound to me like..
a parody.

What kind of a state of mind is that?
It happens a lot with Radio 4.
I hear interviews that sound like spoofs.
I try not to laugh

Because it happens in real life, too.

Monday, July 14, 2014


This year by car to the Tewkesbury festival.
Last year in leather trousers, motorbike clothing bundled into rucksack...I wondered around in a daze. Lost my glasses, almost lost my keys.

So hot!

This year.
Found a shower called 'The Water of Avalon'.

Poured water over a scarf I wrapped around my head.

Didn't make the mistake of buying a dress this year.
Of a kind I wouldn't wear the rest of the year.

But clothes by Amanda Deeley were difficult to resist.
I would have felt like a whale if I'd tried to get into one.

... I bought a hand cast bronze pendant from Alexandros Kontaxis that was cast from an impression of some coral he had found on a beach.

So anyway I got hotter and hotter.
Found myself trying on clothes and stopped myself just on the brink of agreeing to hand over money..

Found a lapis ring and a little penannular broach instead.
All my money gone.
Drove home.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the world...

Photographs by Mitch Dobrowner.

Sunday, July 13, 2014


The mouse had been running around, both upstairs and downstairs for about a week. The first time I saw it - as I sat on the end of the bed putting on my socks- I thought it would be easy to catch. The mouse had bolted for the door, which was shut and then shot under the bed. Just block off areas of room, I thought, make the available space smaller and smaller, and put a bucket over mousy and think about what to do next from that point onwards.

It was a good plan.
A reasonable plan.

I had not counted on the way a mouse can squeeze through tiny holes in my blocks, and plans and just plain refuse to act like I'd expect.

At one point that morning, the mouse was about four inches away from me. It was sitting in the open, cleaning its face. I hadn't got the bucket and I thought that the mouse was being stupid.


We saw the mouse latter that week. Son saw it in the bathroom in the early hours. He also had the mouse running back and forth in his bedroom. One evening as we were watching The Outer Limits, mouse was again sat very close to us on the floor. And once in the day whilst I was here, at the computer, the mouse was inches from my foot...

The humane traps were not doing their job.
Both traps were triggered at some point.

Both remained mouse-less.

Last night we watched Storage 24.
Hostile, flesh ripping entity at large in ventilation shafts...
Pretty good actually, funny and scary.

After the film was over and all that was left was the sound of the trees through the open window, and the PC shutting down, we could heard frantic gnawing and scuffling noises coming from the bathroom.

More than a little disconcerting.

It was OK...
It was...

Mousy in the trap!

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Fire bottles...


I didn't read the instructions before I began.
Just saw the photos.

Here is how you are meant to do it:

Step 1 – Grab a beer bottle preferably with thick glass such as corona bottles. Tie a string just above the label on the empty bottle

Step 2 – Keep the string tied and soak it in lighter fluid.

Step 3 – Put the string back on the bottle and hold it horizontally. Light the sting rotating the bottle so the flame spreads. You should hear the bottle crack slightly in about 10 seconds.

Step 4 – After you hear the crack, pour cold water on the string and the top of the bottle will fall off.

Step 5 – Now grab sandpaper and sand the edges of the bottle till it is smooth.