Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Queeg.

Try again.

Sunday visits to In-laws.
Function?

Primarily so that room confined mother-in-law gets to see her living room.
So my son can see his grandparents.

I don't want to see them ever again, their presence makes me feel sad beyond words.

Explain?

What's wrong?

She had arthritis
It got worse.
Joint replacement
Infection

Amputation.

All to the theme of 'they will have to take care of me'...
Do I blame her for her predicament?

Absolutely!

Never in all the years  has she ever showed the slightest inclination to take care of herself.

Never asked herself if she should alter what she did:
Move to a bungalow?
Use a wheel chair to take the weight off her crumbling bones?
Wear something other than sandals- summer and winter?

She walked until the end of her fibula began to protrude through the skin on her ankle...
It took quite a few years.
It wasn't a surprise.
Not really.

Her domain began and ended with
Living with
Pain.

As if it her house was the Antarctic wastes.
The Cruel Sea
A place of

No alternative
'Got to keep going'

So.
They don't live in a bungalow
She doesn't have an electric wheel chair.

It isn't money.

Now she is confined to the bedroom
TV and the newspapers
Which are not so good "since all that fuss recently-not so much gossip.."

Cannot get to the shops
Can't get out of the house.

What?
Total body paralysis from the neck down?

No, a single amputation
Leg below the knee.

Is she ill?
No, except now she has pressure sores...
She is very well.

Does she want to stay indoors?
No...

The only thing we could do for her was to shame father-in-law into helping her down to the living room.

There is a lift in the bedroom.
A section of floor descends.

But it was not to be.

So she does 'passive aggressive'

We get the comments about how ridiculous he is being

'He cooks the evening meal earlier and earlier..
His life is sorted
He is in control'

Captain Queeg...

Change the subject when he enters the room
Anger simply cannot be allowed.

Meanwhile sister-in-law just sits in her bedroom
All day
No books, no TV
Nothing.

I'd like to believe that it was religious practise.
Rather than mental illness.

So I am angry again
On her behalf?
No,

I'm angry because this is a kind of torture.
For me.

I am asked to switch off what I can see.
To ignore someone else's pain
To pretend that the superficial
The fantasy
The lie...

Is fine.

I'm made to watch people being unbearably stupid
Ignored if I say anything off 'script'.

It takes me days to recover.


The Queeg parallel is interesting...




 'he is a good man' ...